A part of a little something I had written a year ago:
For some reason, she wept a lot that night. Came back home and wept her heart out. For not doing anything she wanted to do in life. For having done everything she had not wanted in life.. For having lost the one and only one self earned love in her life..For not having enough fun , for her folly of still waiting for that something which might toss her head over heels in ecstasy.. Yes, she has been ecstatic and happy but then, still, something is missing..Is it going to be death that she is waiting for?
He stirred in the bed.
He didn’t wake up as he was fast asleep after tucking Baby into bed.
She realized that she was not going to sleep for the whole night. After the tears dried up for the time being, she got up from there, put some soft music and started browsing through the photos..
She went for his wedding today. Met some old friends. Most of them are abroad making money and having fun.
He has found his woman for life by himself. A smart girl 5 years younger to him, whom he met in the US. He fought her way into his Orthodox family.
He was never ready to do this for me. He never would have fought for me. She thought desperately with a sense of loss and hurt pride. But then, neither would she have changed her priorities for him. They had not even talked about it. He never was free to talk about it, back then.
She felt acidic with a feeling of jealousy to see him do a love marriage.
And a feeling of having lost something precious.
He was always the shy kind. And therefore very desirable. and he still is. He looked so different. He has changed so much. Looked more matured. and therefore more desirable..She has grown used to feeling for him at times that she no longer feels guilty for the momentary emotional adultery. She has acknowledged and accepted this nameless relationship she secretly had in some corner of her heart.
She has had lots of friends and occasional crushes, interests, soft corners, flings and flirting sprees to make her life colorful and interesting and exciting during her pre-marriage years, she now remembers this relationship as a bit distinguished, as it had somewhere in her heart, struck a tender chord to add to the music of her life.
She has not talked to him after her wedding. And to think that no day had passed without talking to him for about a year before marriage. And then, after quite a long while, he called her to invite for his wedding. A long silence after he told her the news. He in his thoughts, she in hers, or maybe they in theirs. Words Unspoken.
Though it had been just a period of emotional stir and hormonal tide for her with him, the taste it left has lasted so long in her. She kept all that safe in her heart so that she could savour it any time she wanted. She felt she had lots to talk to him now..and today when she saw him she knew that even he would want to tell her lots .. with refreshed memories of all the old talks they’ve had..to pour out lots of emotions to each other. But they both know how important it is to leave so many things unsaid so that it works out well in everybody’s hearts.. The little-too-long-a-moment their paths crossed has left the fragrance in their lives and some part of him is still green in her.
She got up and stood in the balcony to see the night sky ,took a lungful of the fresh night air, hoping to cleanse every breath of thought she was having and exhaled her infidelities which got frozen in the chill night..
All characters in this story are fictitious and are figments of my imagination. Any resemblence to anyone living or dead is purely coincidental or a figment of your imagination.
For some reason, she wept a lot that night. Came back home and wept her heart out. For not doing anything she wanted to do in life. For having done everything she had not wanted in life.. For having lost the one and only one self earned love in her life..For not having enough fun , for her folly of still waiting for that something which might toss her head over heels in ecstasy.. Yes, she has been ecstatic and happy but then, still, something is missing..Is it going to be death that she is waiting for?
He stirred in the bed.
He didn’t wake up as he was fast asleep after tucking Baby into bed.
She realized that she was not going to sleep for the whole night. After the tears dried up for the time being, she got up from there, put some soft music and started browsing through the photos..
She went for his wedding today. Met some old friends. Most of them are abroad making money and having fun.
He has found his woman for life by himself. A smart girl 5 years younger to him, whom he met in the US. He fought her way into his Orthodox family.
He was never ready to do this for me. He never would have fought for me. She thought desperately with a sense of loss and hurt pride. But then, neither would she have changed her priorities for him. They had not even talked about it. He never was free to talk about it, back then.
She felt acidic with a feeling of jealousy to see him do a love marriage.
And a feeling of having lost something precious.
He was always the shy kind. And therefore very desirable. and he still is. He looked so different. He has changed so much. Looked more matured. and therefore more desirable..She has grown used to feeling for him at times that she no longer feels guilty for the momentary emotional adultery. She has acknowledged and accepted this nameless relationship she secretly had in some corner of her heart.
She has had lots of friends and occasional crushes, interests, soft corners, flings and flirting sprees to make her life colorful and interesting and exciting during her pre-marriage years, she now remembers this relationship as a bit distinguished, as it had somewhere in her heart, struck a tender chord to add to the music of her life.
She has not talked to him after her wedding. And to think that no day had passed without talking to him for about a year before marriage. And then, after quite a long while, he called her to invite for his wedding. A long silence after he told her the news. He in his thoughts, she in hers, or maybe they in theirs. Words Unspoken.
Though it had been just a period of emotional stir and hormonal tide for her with him, the taste it left has lasted so long in her. She kept all that safe in her heart so that she could savour it any time she wanted. She felt she had lots to talk to him now..and today when she saw him she knew that even he would want to tell her lots .. with refreshed memories of all the old talks they’ve had..to pour out lots of emotions to each other. But they both know how important it is to leave so many things unsaid so that it works out well in everybody’s hearts.. The little-too-long-a-moment their paths crossed has left the fragrance in their lives and some part of him is still green in her.
She got up and stood in the balcony to see the night sky ,took a lungful of the fresh night air, hoping to cleanse every breath of thought she was having and exhaled her infidelities which got frozen in the chill night..
All characters in this story are fictitious and are figments of my imagination. Any resemblence to anyone living or dead is purely coincidental or a figment of your imagination.
A precious jewel of my life,
A desire to keep it safe and alive,
An attempt to touch the past in my heart,
Are slowly getting fostered and survived.
A guilt of not committing to my dream,
A spark for burning my past life ream,
A fire taking shape of a monster,
Why I don’t let all out in a single gleam.
An invaluable sleep lost in his thoughts,
A pondering mind traversing through my past,
A fear of facing another busy morning,
I wish to overcome all these distorted mental drafts.
Haven't been around the blogosphere much in a while.. And I see I missed one already. That was superb too.. Really good thoughts..and words..
I have shifted to a different domain now..in fact, my own domain :)
nice concept..
suggestion if u may: read it thru once, there are a few verb /tense clashes which take away frm the story... fix those and its beauuutiful!
aug 2006?? post sthn new!
happy writing,
freya!
And it would be great if you could point out the mistakes you found.
I read this once again now and did some changes but usually I prefer not to tamper with something written long back cos later changes could unintentionally bring about some changes to the feel of the article, something which had been written at the spur of some "emotional" moment.