Spirituality- Knock Knock.
Back in the first year of my engineering, there was some sort of college tech fest going on, in which my answers in a questionnaire in some stall stamped me to be too spiritual for my age. I was depressed and unhappy with the resutls then. I sometimes listen to Gita saransh with my father, that really is an eye opener. These talks-they always make me think, they make me question myself and my own beliefs. The tryst with more spiritual ideas had left me as a confused theist to an agnostic to an atheist to a state where I am not sure what I am.
God is like the thread in a garland of flowers. Each one of us is the flower, each one of us have God within ourselves. The flowers get spoiled in a day; life is that short, but the thread remains, it does not go down with the flower. Flowers get pulled off the thread and some dry up but the thread is in tact. This thread is what they call God. I still do not understand why w e should worship it. Worshiping is probably jus t a means to get to know the thread and bring us close to the realization that it is the thread which is eternal and that it is all one or part of one whole. Worshipping probably helps us love ourselves better.
I just happened to go to the basic course of Art of Living -all out of curiosity and also due to an attraction towards the man with the smiling radiant face. There should be somehting about him which comes out as the sparkle in his eyes. I, unlike many authors of such a column , didnt feel that it changed my life, but it did help me think more and more about the order of the universe and how big problems are just part of a bigger scheme of things.

Reality check:

Its very important in life. Do a reality check every once in awhile to be down on earth from that beautiful cloud numbered nine. Yes, do fly high up there and enjoy life but dnt forget the reality check, otherwise, you might once just fall down from the heights and the impact wil be huge.

Fall Colors. ( Written in Fall, 2007, Boise, Idaho,US)

Life looks so much better with the fall colors around. The fallen leaves make the streets look beautiful, like the pretty girl with her hair left carelessly open and the wind playing with it. The trees which make Fall beautiful, they are so exquisite. They are red, orange,yellow and lo, I see the greens too. But these arent the lush green "greens" . They are the evergreen greens, which sadly arent so beautifully green.

I suddenly felt thtat they almost spoilt the view. But they took me deep into thinking about the highs and lows of life.

There would come a time down the lane where these "full-of-life"trees would shed all the leaves and look barren and make the place look depressing. The corpses of these trees are like the low times in life. Even while they embrace death, they do celebrate. But then whn everything is cold and freezing and dead, the evergreens are still green, they still stand tall amongst all the dead trees and frozen lakes. One kind of a saintly life, no extreme happiness, no extreme sorrow.

Which of these lives would be better? I suppose a colorful life is much better and eventhough the winter buries it all under the snow, one could know for sure that spring isn't far behind.

Remember, dreams do come true..



DisneyLand must have been a dream come true to many people.

But when I stepped in, I felt that this was a stale dream which was coming true. I would hav enjoyed it so much more if I had gone there as a child. There was but another dream which was coming true, which I enjoyed nevertheless-Going places with my friends. We had a perfect holiday, going wild in the roller coasters and having fun roaming about, but Disneyland left me thinking that night and the days after . What is the meaning of a dream coming true when it is not the right time or when the right time was long gone.? What is the meaning of working to make your dreams come true if it could just change any moment or gradually over a period of time and then you come to know that all you have planned for wasnt worth all the trouble and was afterall just a silly dream?

While looking up at Disney's castle in the wild colors and artificial drops of fire in the sky with the soothing music and the luring voice tellin me that yes dreams do come true, I felt purely happy. As much as I enjoyed it, I felt a bitterness creeping up about dreams coming true.But this one visit definitely left me with another dream..of visiting the place with my kids. and of seeing them beam with happiness and of being happy about making their dreams come true at the right time. but then, I can't dream my child's dream, can I?

What man achieves in life is basically a matter of what he wants.
and how and how much.

What is your ambition has been a question which has been asked to everyone of us.
My answer has metamorphosed from teacher to doctor to engineer to artiste and finally to something very vague.

At different points of our lives, we would hav had different answers to the same questions.
And the point is that it keeps changing through out your life. And it really is a mystery what decides what makes you happy. Sometimes something which you have always wanted might not make you so happy as somthing which you had not given one thought..
There is a naughty child in everyone. We crave for something which is out of reach. Whn you know you cant have it, you ache for it. but once it is ours, we just throw it around or worse still, ignore it and forget its existence..

Aimless in Seattle

A perfect holiday. That is what I am having in Seattle right now. Washington is indeed a green state. On the drive through the freeways, I couldnt help thinking how much of a part of our skin and souls the greenery of a scenery is. Lost in some freeways due to a lack of sophistication to set the GPS, I had a great time finding our way to the hotel. Drives, they always drive me crazy, more so when there is music around. We were hungry and tired but the feast to the eyes was crawling its way down the heart to our digestive system as a solace.
A new group, new city, new fun. I could be alone when I wanted to, but I never once felt lonely. Was enjoying the detached feeling in the group. My outings have been almost always with the best of my friends as I know that anything can be fun when I am with them but here I loved the anonymity, as the group was good fun.

Had our fill of good Indian food and I almost felt tears inmy eyes, due to the spice ( after a break of 4 weeks) and alsodue to some feeling of patriotism (I agree Karan Johar is too melodramatic, but I understand he has point there :) ) For that matter, we had earned this tasty food as we walked uphill along the road and waited for half a.n hour for the restaurant to open, because, though we were hungry, our taste buds werent ready for compromises.

My friend came to pick me up and we chatted away to glory till some time in the night updating each other with the details of our lives and calling up all our friends around and teleconferencing.
Went out on a drive with her and did a 'heart-ful' of shopping with her. Listening to one of my fav songs along the drive I just could nt believe that this was happening as it was too good to be true. I realized that it truly was a dream come true as I looked at myself from some elated state of being.

Hoping for a fulfilling third day of vacation before joining back to work.

"touchwood".

A part of a little something I had written a year ago:

For some reason, she wept a lot that night. Came back home and wept her heart out. For not doing anything she wanted to do in life. For having done everything she had not wanted in life.. For having lost the one and only one self earned love in her life..For not having enough fun , for her folly of still waiting for that something which might toss her head over heels in ecstasy.. Yes, she has been ecstatic and happy but then, still, something is missing..Is it going to be death that she is waiting for?

He stirred in the bed.
He didn’t wake up as he was fast asleep after tucking Baby into bed.

She realized that she was not going to sleep for the whole night. After the tears have dried up for the time being, she got up from there, went up to the PC and put some soft music and started browsing through the snaps..

She went for his wedding today. Met some old friends. Most of them are abroad making money and having fun.
He has found his woman for life by himself. A smart girl 5 years younger to him, whom he met in the US. He fought her way into his Orthodox family.
He was never ready to do this for me. He never would have fought for me. She thought desperately with a sense of loss and hurt pride. But then, neither would she have changed her priorities for him. They had not even talked about it. He never was free to talk about it, back then.
She felt acidic with a feeling of jealousy to see him do a love marriage.
And a feeling of having lost something precious.
He was always the shy kind. And therefore very desirable. and he still is. He looked so different. He has changed so much. Looked more matured. and therefore more desirable..She has grown used to feeling for him at times that she no longer feels guilty for the momentary emotional adultery. She has acknowledged and accepted this nameless relationship she secretly had in some corner of her heart.

She has had lots of friends and occasional crushes, interests, soft corners, flings and flirting sprees to make her life colorful and interesting and exciting during her pre-marriage years, she now remembers this relationship as a bit distinguished, as it had somewhere in her heart, struck a tender chord to add to the music of her life.

She has not talked to him after her wedding. And to think that no day had passed without talking to him for about a year before marriage.And then, after quite a long while, he called her to invite for his wedding. A long silence after he told her the news. He in his thoughts, she in hers, or maybe they in theirs..Words Unspoken.

Though it had been just a period of emotional stir and hormonal tide for her with him, the taste it left has lasted so long in her. She kept all that safe in her heart so that she could savour it any time she wanted. She felt she had lots to talk to him now..and today when she saw him she knew tht even he would want to tell her lots .. with refreshed memories of all the old talks they’ve had..to pour out lots of emotions to each other..but they both know how important it is to leave so many things unsaid so that it works out well in everybody’s hearts.. The little-too-long-a-moment their paths crossed has left the fragrance in their lives and some part of him is still green in her.

She got up and stood in the balcony to see the night sky ,took a lungful of the fresh night air, hoping to cleanse every breath of thought she was having and exhaled her infidelities which got frozen in the chill night..


All characters in this story are fictitious and are figments of my imagination. Any resemblence to anyone living or dead is purely coincidental or a figment of your imagination.